Letter to Hiram Abiff

Dear Exulted Sir.

Thank you for your submissions to Devotion News. It can be so hard to get people with more time on their hands than you to write articles. Your letters have been gratefully received and faithfully published.

Again, I apologise for refereeing to you as a Cheeky Fellow. In doing so, it was I who played that role. In the future, I will be sure to extend to you the respect you deserve and have earned.

I am enjoying your correspondence, but did have one concern in your last letter. I am worried that statements like "At least I can observe and record all you actions from here." may be interpreted by readers as representing yourself as something akin to the Great Architect of the Universe. Some readers will deduce, while most will know, that you are no longer with us on this Earthly Abode (thanks for pointing out Kings 7:13-14, for us). I am sure most readers will all understand what you were getting at, but I ask you to keep in mind that many readers will not have ever heard of you and such statements may be misconstrued. The next thing you know, some clown will make that tired and ignorant accusation that Freemasons are running some sort of religion or something, when indeed we know this is most certainly not the case.

I tend to think of you as someone like George Washington, a fellow Mason, a man of virtue who is long dead and admired, but admired as nothing more than a fellow human long remembered for great things and deeds.

Fraternally, Damien

Letter from Hiram Abiff

Dear Damien

Thank you for you explanation about your confusion concerning my identity that Mercury delivered so promptly.  Let’s put it behind us. 

I know there are a few now saying 'what in Heaven are they all doing up there in the Heavenly Mansions besides observing and recording all our actions?'  Let me tell you: not much. 

It does not seem that long ago when a fellow who called himself Peter arrived, actually St Peter what ever that means.  (As Masons, we all know that rank and title are but a guinea stamp, the man himself the gold.) It started what you may now call a hostile takeover.  I was all ready to build some gates based on the columns now of Temple fame, cast in bronze as I used to do on the plains of Jordan.  Everyone saw that they were strong when they were established and believed that they would stand firm forever.  The new-comers really objected to the thought of the flames and smoke from the fires that I would need. One newcomer who used to work for something called the "EPA" when on earth, complained loudly and incessantly. We have been in charge and carefully tended to our Heavenly Environment long before writing (let alone catchy acronyms ) was used by people less wise than us,  but still, you know how these things often go… So Peter got the contract and used pearl.  It is all very flashy and I am not sure who long they will last. 

There is always some ex-martyr coming here looking for the 100 virgins that he has been promised and as you know they are hard to find.  We also have very strict rules about underage relationships so what would be necessary to achieve his objective in your sub-luminary abode would not be allowed here. 

Then we have to deal with envoys to secure places for politicians who are now saying everything is “global” and problems they should take responsibility for are not their fault, and so long as they seem to be doing something, everything will be alright.  One of them even promised to build a Highway to Hades as an infrastructure 'stimulus' project.  He could not understand that nobody would want to use it. He did not seemed concerned that we do not have taxation, people would have saved to pay for it, and, as you know, there are no pockets in shrouds.  He just wanted to do something and had found that the loaves and fishes technique for money convinces most people and wanted to use it as a central economic strategy.  Others say they have important infrastructure projects rebuilding children’s’ cubby houses and painting the doors of outside dunnies. 

Then we have Noah who is still trying to explain how he got a pair of blue whales up the gangplank of his Ark.  He dismisses this question as a "global problem" with all whales needing gangplanks and Noah seems to have got away with that illogical explanation.

Yours fraternally

Hiram Abiff